Tag Archives: depression

Would Ten-Finger Typing Have Helped?

I meant to go for a walk or run after work today, so I could do a Running Commentary or Pedestrian Post.  I do not know why I thought I would do any such thing.  I am almost always tired after work these days.  I get very little done beyond the bare essentials.  In fact, as I type this (pecking in one letter at a time with the stylus on my Tablet, of course), I am remembering an essential or two I ought to be doing instead.

That was as far as I got earlier.  Full disclosure:  I did not do any of the aforementioned essentials, for which I am feeling suitably guilty.  Now I am back on my couch, on my Tablet, and I really would rather be headed to bed, but would like to make my blog post first.

Preview of Coming Attractions?

I looked in my Media Library at October 2016 for a Throwback Thursday picture.  When I was outside earlier, the air smelled like fall.  Additionally, my fall allergies are starting to kick in.  Therefore this picture from Pumpkin Junction in Sauquoit seemed appropriate.   I have seen posts on Facebook telling fall junkies like me to “back our pumpkin spice asses off, summer isn’t over yet!”  Of course it is still summer.  In fact, tomorrow is supposed to be hot and humid, and won’t that be pleasant for all involved?

There’s a summer view!

I went to June 2020 for this one.  My deck has not been in good shape to hang out on for a while.  My toenails have not been painted, and those sandals are broken.  You can just see one of my late husband Steve’s legs, beyond the glass of wine, just to remind me that toenails and sandals are really not things to be sad about.

Oh dear, I did not mean to make a melancholy blog post.  I expect some sadness will always be with me, but I do not mean to burden others with my emotions.  Let me look for a pleasant memory to close with.

Cheers to you, Steve!

Here is Steve in Ruggerios Trattoria in Little Falls, NY in the summer of 2019.   Good memories!

And I see I am over 350 words.  Perhaps I could come up with an off the wall headline suitable for a Non-Sequitur Thursday Post.

 

 

I Get By With A Little Help From My Monsters

Today is another Blogger’s Sick Day, and half a sick day from work as well.  The pain of my migraine subsided, but the nausea remained.  Just to whine and cry a little (or a lot).  However, I think I can manage a Monstrous Monday Post.  I do hate to miss a day.

Who says you can’t get a head?

Last night Vincent Price would have been more than welcome to take off my head, as he has apparently done here with Peter Lorre.  I guess these two are not technically monsters, but I think we can stretch a point.

A self portrait? 

Here is an authentic monster as well as a graphic depiction of how I feel.  Oops, a little more whining creeps in.  Then again, that is like the Blob too.  Remember the theme song:  “It creeps, and leaps, and crawls and sprawls…”

He’s nice!

I add a little cuteness with one of my own Halloween decorations.  It is almost time to decorate for Halloween again (yes, I rush the season; judge me if you are so inclined).  If I am up for it.  It is no secret my mood has been sad lately.  But I shall not burden my readers with more complaints.  Maybe one more picture…

Who could be un-cheered by Nosferatu?

Whatever my trials and tribulations,  monsters often help.

 

Starting Over on Tired Tuesday?

Have I enough oomph to make at least  Tired Tuesday Post before I retire for the evening?  I hope the answer is yes, but we shall see.  I had a certain amount of oomph earlier, which I used to get a few things done before rehearsal for The Man in the Bowler Hat,  the play I am in at Ilion Little Theatre  (preview of coming attractions).  As I drove home, of course I remembered several things I did not get done, but I can’t do everything, after all.

 

I went for a walk before work this morning.  It was not a very long walk, but I assured myself that was not important.  The important thing was that I walked.  Likewise, my run this afternoon was short.  It seems odd that I can only manage such short bouts of exercise after training for and running the Utica Boilermaker 15K in July, but so it is.  I feel that once again I am starting over.

I ran by this sign on today’s run.

I throw in a picture to pep things up.  Regular readers know how I love to enter where it says not to.  Don’t worry; I never do it when I am driving.

Earlier today I thought of posting as my Facebook status,  “How many times is one allowed to start over? Asking for a friend.”  I just imagined people would respond with encouraging words, but of course you never know.  In the end, I did not take the chance.

I see I have attained 250 words without mentioning that the reason I am so down is that I spent part of rehearsal thinking, “Oh, wait till I tell Steve about that!”  I know this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.  I will, I am sure, learn how to deal with it eventually.  In the meantime, I may just continue to mention it occassionally in a blog post.

 

Wuss-Out or Way-Back, At Least it’s still Wednesday!

I might just as well admit I am having a bad patch of days.  I feel down.  I feel tired.  I have no energy or ambition to do anything.  So I guess this will be a Wuss-out Wednesday Post.  And I am kind of forcing myself to make it on Wednesday instead of early Thursday morning.

However, I have gotten a whole paragraph pecked in and have not backspaced it out, so there’s that.

I am the one in the purple cape.

I thought it would be nice to make it a Way-Back Wednesday Post as well so found this picture in my Media Library from August 2017.  It is the cast of The Tempest as presented by LiFT, Little Falls Theatre Company.  It was a fun show.  I need a little more Shakespeare in my life.

You can see me better in this one.

Tomorrow I have my first real rehearsal for The Man in the Bowler Hat,  the one-act I am in as part of An Evening of Timeless Comedy at Ilion Little Theatre.   I do not know my lines yet.

Regular readers may notice that I am not at Fratello’s Pizzeria in Frankfort for music and food, as I often am on a Wednesday.  I actually fixed my hair and put on a cute outfit including earrings, but I just could not get myself out the door.  These things happen, I suppose.

In the meantime, I see I am over 200 words.  Not too much of a Wuss-out after all.

 

I Rattle, uh I Mean Carry On

Late blog posts continue with my Wuss-out Wednesday Post being pecked in early Thursday morning.   I offer no defense or explanation, and the only thought in my head right now is thank God for coffee!  If it gets rid of my headache, my life will be perfect.

I do like flowers.

I threw in a picture to pep things up.  This is from July 2022.  My yard was no great shakes then, but I had a few blooms.  This year the back yard is rather a disaster and the front yard is only marginally better.  I had such high hopes, but alas did not match actions to dreams.

I haven’t worn that outfit in a while.

Since it is clear that this is going to be one of those posts where I share pictures from my Media Library and rattle on about them, here is one of me at Fratello’s Pizzeria in Frankfort,  NY in July 2021.

I wore that shirt just the other day.

To inject a little silliness, here is my skeleton Bonita with her friend Bonaparte.  My husband, Steve, dressed her in the summer outfit.  He had a flair for such things.

I confess that these days I am coping with a great deal of sadness, with varying degrees of success.  However, I did manage a blog post of over 200 words.  Perhaps I can make Thursday’s blog post on time (although my predictive text thingy does not seem to think it is likely).

 

I’m to Blame for the Blah

My rather blah weekend continues with a Wrist to Forehead Sunday Post.  To anybody who is playing that miniature violin (So snarky! And you know who you are), I point out that I am well aware I have only myself to blame for the blah (ooh, that might make a good headline! So alliterative).  Really, if blah is the worst thing that happens to me, I am ahead of the game.

I ran again this morning.  That is two days in a row of 20-minute runs. Exercise is very important.  I must get more of it.  Later I went to breakfast at Farm House Restaurant in Ilion NY.  It was either do the dishes, cook eggs in a big frying pan, or go out to eat.  I feel I made the right decision.

A good place to eat.

Later in the day I fixed myself hot dogs and beans.  I had gotten them for the Fourth of July but then decided to avoid fatty foods so close to the Boilermaker 15K.  For the past week every night after work, I had nothing in the house to eat yet felt it was entirely too much trouble to heat up hot dogs and beans.

“It doesn’t take much,” my mother pointed out to me.  I call my parents almost every day.

“These days,”  I replied, “it doesn’t take much for me to say, ‘Oh that’s too much trouble!’ ”

Today I discovered that it was in fact very little trouble.  I was inordinately pleased with myself.  I think I made the right choice there.  I could have been disgusted with myself for not cooking the hot dogs and beans sooner.  Instead I felt pleased.

So this is my blog post of blah weekend with hot dogs and beans.  Maybe I should have mentioned the hot dogs and beans in the headline.  Any thoughts?

 

Boiling or Boilermaker?

Wuss-out Wednesday follows Tired Tuesday, we all know that.  If you didn’t know, you do now.  I’m going to blame the weather.

I think I am!

I took a walk this morning but did not run after work.  I ran yesterday for three miles, thinking it would be my last long run before the Boilermaker 15K.  I hope to walk every day and have one or two short runs in the next three days.  Only three day?  Yikes!

Now is about the time I ask myself why I signed up for this silly race anyways. I should perhaps mention that this has happened to me every time I have run the Boilermaker (can’t remember how many times that is;  I would have to count my Boilermaker glasses).  This year, of course, everything is different.

It seems I had some good reasons when I signed up.  I do not currently remember them.   I registered pretty much the minute registration opened.  A short time later the palliative care nurse called me and said we had to talk.  I know what palliative care is (my sisters had to look it up).  Thus started a very bad time in my life.

So this year my running the 15K feels all tied up in my grief and depression over my husband’s death.  I don’t know that I think something magical is going to happen as I cross the finish line.  I think mostly I feel grateful that the race gave me motivation to keep running.  Exercise has helped me a lot.

I guess I have not entirely wussed out today, as I see I am over 250 words.  Perhaps tomorrow I will take one of those shorter runs I mentioned and attempt a Running Commentary Post.  It is All Boilermaker All The Time Week after all.

 

In the Midst of a Monday Malaise

So I ran for nine days in a row and did not run today.  I feel a little bad about that, especially since the rain that threatened never materialized.  I could have at least mowed the lawn.

Don’t mind me, I am in the midst of a Monday Malaise.  Isn’t that a nicely alliterative phrase?  Hey, that rhymed.  Perhaps I am not as brain dead as I had feared.

Who, me? Get dramatic over Monday?

Here is another image stolen from Dracula’s House of Halloween.  I wanted a change from Frankenstein’s monster saying, “No like Monday!”

Most of my day has not been particularly monstrous, but as the evening progresses I am slipping down a depressive slope.  I suppose it is nothing to worry about; we all have our ups and downs.  However, this particular down is making me SO disinclined to do any of the things I ought to be doing.

Such as making a non-whiny blog post.

Well this is the way it is.  Whatever we may have accomplished (in my case not much, but never mind that), we continue to fret over what we have left undone.  Oh, I know:  you probably checked off every item on your to-do list and even got a jump on tomorrow’s (you know who you are).

I forgot where I was going with this.  However, I see I am over 200 words.  Enough of this nonsense!  Perhaps I could find a good monster to close with.

“I still don’t know why she wanted me to be in this blog post.”

 

Sit Down Saturday?

I am having a moment.  Not a bad moment, but kind of a blah moment.  It is in fact a rather strong bout of Don’t Wanna Do Nuthin’.  So I thought to myself, well at least you can do a blog post (did not feel inclined to call myself Shirley today).

I woke up about 3:30 this morning with a bad headache.  No, I did not tie one on last night, so stop tsk-tsking at me (you know who you are).  I am out of acetaminophen but thought maybe more sleep would help with the result that I got up at six, which regular readers know is sleeping in for me.

Weekends are my days for long, challenging runs.  I had neglected to put on coffee last night so I decided to run first.  I ignored my usual weekend running plans and made up my mind to a short run.  Thirty minutes tops.  Maybe even twenty.  Or fifteen in a pinch.

It turned out to be in a pinch,  I ran for just over a mile in a little over 15 minutes (once again too lazy to get the Garmin and check.  I drank my chocolate milk recovery beverage but never got the oomph to fix breakfast till a couple of hours later.  Sorry, body.

I forgot where I was going with all this.  Lame Post Saturday?  No matter.  It is over 200 words, and my Saturday Post is done on Saturday (no matter what my WordPress timestamp may say).  If only I had a peppy picture to close with.  Maybe a monster.

You go, girl!

I stole this from Dracula’s House of Halloween, one of my favorite Facebook pages.   I did drink all the coffee, but sadly there is no longer anybody in my house to strangle me over it.  On that melancholy note,  Happy Saturday,  everyone.

 

How Much Slack Can I Get Away With?

So I let all of Saturday and a good part of Sunday slip by without making a blog post and am feeling a bit guilty about it.  The fact is, I am having the damnedest time getting myself to do anything.  I did go for two long runs this weekend.  Yesterday I did a load of laundry and washed the dishes before I petered out.  Eventually I wrote a few post cards to my usual peeps.  However, there is a lot more that I need and want to get done.  What the hell, me?

Pretty!

I threw in a picture, before I sank into a boring morass of self-recrimination.  These are my front lawn daisies from two years ago.  They are starting to die off now, and I just spent some time trying to cut them back.  This was after mowing the grass with my non-power mower and pulling up a bunch of other stuff on the side of the house.  And that was after my 50-minute run earlier.  A woman my age gets tired.  I never made it to the back yard.  In fact, a number of failing daisies remain out front.

Now I am lounged on my couch pecking in one letter at a time with the stylus on my Tablet, and sipping a glass of wine,  because I feel any effort deserves a reward.  I think I can move on to the movie watching portion of my Sunday.  Maybe I can even do a Sunday Cinema Post.  But no promises.