Tag Archives: grief

I Run in the Slow Lame

Posted on December 13, 2025 by mohawkvalleygirl

Hello and welcome to another Lame Post Friday post.  I went for a short run earlier this morning (ooh, it is still morning; I have not wasted away the whole day).  Am I ready for the Reindeer Run 5K in Little Falls tomorrow?  Was I ever going to be?  No matter.  I have a new theme song that goes:

We do what we can do

And if it’s not enough

Tough.

I sang it to myself during the latter part of my run.  It was quite snowy.  I meant to take a picture after the run to show what I was dealing with but was feeling rather defeated at the time and could only go in the house.  I was happy that I made the effort, though.  I am sure my body will feel better tomorrow because of it.

Preview of Coming Attractions?

That was me after I ran in 2018.  I was thinking of going to a dollar store and getting some garland to drape myself with this year but do not know if I can muster the oomph.  I find I have a very short supply of oomph these days and a whole reservoir of I Just Can’t Even.  That the hell, me?

I return to my theme song.  What I can do today, it seems, is a lame blog post.  I wonder if I can find a fun picture to close with.  Come on, Media Library, don’t fail me now!

Cheers to the season!

How about a very nice picture of my dearly missed husband, Steve.  He loved Christmas as much as I did, and he was proud of me for running a 5K, even if I was pretty slow about it.  I treasure warm memories, even as I search for a little more oomph.

 

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A Few Pics, A Brief Post

Posted on October 23, 2025 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I am not doing so good at the daily blogging stuff.  I will at least try to make a Waste Not Want Not Wednesday post, using a few photos from my cell phone.  This may also serve as a Preview of Coming Attractions, if only I follow through!

Nice local business.

I went to a wine tasting at Ann Street Liquors in Little Falls, NY.  They do not have tastings as often as Valley Wine and Liquor in Herkimer, but I try to attend when they have one.

Great family grouping!

Here are a couple cousins, a sister and a nephew at an art event I recently attended in Liverpool, NY.  Why I did not write a blog post right away about the happening, I do not know.  At least, maybe I could think of a reason, but it would be so unflattering to me, I hesitate to do so.

A very cool place.

This is a picture from Cobblestone Castle, a place I visited with my sister Cheryl recently.  Once again, I blame myself for not blogging about it sooner.

I may as well as admit, my depression and grief keep me from doing the things I like to do.  However, sometimes I manage to post something.  As always, I thank you for tuning in.

 

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It Snow Joke that I’m Tired

Posted on February 19, 2025 by mohawkvalleygirl

I did not make my Tired Tuesday post yesterday, because I was, you guessed it, tired.  I actually did less Tuesday than I did on Monday.  Monday I cleared my driveway twice.  By “cleared my driveway” I mean I took off the top layer of fluffy stuff and cleared the plow pile-up as best I could.  Also I did a shovel-width on my front walk, in consideration of pedestrians, who usually end up walking in the road anyways, but I can’t help that.

For anybody not in the area, I just mention in passing that the Mohawk Valley has been pummeled with snow and ice since… I was about to say Saturday, but it got bad before Saturday.  Things were also bad on Thursday, because my rehearsal was cancelled (regular readers may remember I am in a play at Ilion Little Theatre), but I can’t remember other than that.  Listen to me whine.  I’m in a house with power, sipping hot tea while my furnace works away, and I don’t have to go to work.  Let’s count our blessings, shall we?

This was in March 2017, but you get the picture.

I throw in a picture to pep things up.  My deck actually looks different now, because I did not put the things on it away in the fall.  In my defense, my life fall apart in 2023 and I have not yet picked up all the pieces.  The ones I do pick up, I keep dropping.   I do not mean this as more whining; only, I try to cut myself a break sometimes instead of beating myself up, which has ever been my habit.

On the other hand, some might argue I deserve, maybe not a beating, but perhaps a stern talking to sometimes.  For example, Monday and yesterday I toiled mightily trying to get the ice off my front steps, at least for a wide enough space for me and the mailman to get up and down safely.  In my head I kept saying, “2005, Cindy.  You’ve had since 2005!”  2005 was when we moved in and had the porch roof replaced.  Steven and I are (were) big porch sitters.  The roof fellow did not put the gutter back.  I felt sure we could do it.  Perhaps we could have.  Perhaps I still can.  These thoughts did me no good as I managed to clear some for the ice.

I was relieved there was no mail on Monday.  Tuesday when I heard the mailman, I stuck my head out the door, quickly remembered I was in slippers and the porch was covered in snow, craned my neck around the door and asked were the steps OK and assured the mailman I tried, I tried!  He said I did great and it was a losing battle.  I thought that was very nice of him, because I really had not cleared all that wide a space, and his feet are bigger than mine.

Somebody got some fun out of the snow!

I close with a jolly picture, to give us cheerful thoughts.  It has not been warm enough for snowman building, and the wind chill has been prohibitive, but weather changes eventually.  If I manage to build a snowman, I will certainly write a blog post about it.  Once again, I thank you for tuning in.

 

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It’s Still Winter, and I’m Still Blogging

Posted on January 31, 2025 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yesterday (Thursday; I had to keep reminding myself, because I am in kind of a weird time warp) was a true blogger’s sick day.  I impulsively went out to dinner; I shall not say where, because my stomach started to bother me before I left.  I managed to walk home, barely managed to get my leftovers in the fridge, and somehow made it back to the couch to lie down, where I could not move again.  Eventually I went upstairs and got into bed, shedding my clothing, which had been bothering me but which I could not bring myself to move enough to remove (do NOT say TMI!). What a whiny paragraph!  But I am sure anybody who has suffered a stomach bug can understand.

Now I am lounged on my couch, sipping tea and wishing there was bread in the house for some toast (that’ll teach me to put off grocery shopping), and thinking I could probably manage a Throwback Thursday post.

Yikes!

I throw back to a very snowy March 2017.  For one reason, I feel very thankful the snow I have been brushing off my (only one) car and shoveling out  of my driveway (only from the back of said car to the street) (and a shovel-width on the sidewalk in front of the house) is nowhere near this deep.  Then I remember this is January and that was March, and I  fear for my future. But I try not to worry about these things.

All hands on deck!

I have not cleared off my deck, either of the junk that was sitting on it last fall or the snow that has fallen on it since.   This, also, is March 2017, when we had at least put some of the junk, uh, I mean, decorations, away.  Life was so much better with a husband, but I do not mean to begin whining again.  I must look back with thanks for when I had him and move forward with what courage and grace I can muster.  Didn’t that sound fine?  What I am really going to do is shuffle along as best as I can and try not to complain too much. But now I am veering into half-baked philosophy better suited to Lame Post Friday.  Yes, that is today, but I hope to make a Lame Post Friday post later.

Isn’t he a cheery fellow?

To end on a more upbeat note, I add a picture of a neighborhood snowman from January 2023.  It actually may be warm enough for snowman building today.  If my stomach cooperates, perhaps I will build one of my own.  That would make a good blog post.  And I thank you kindly for reading this one.

 

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Once Again, I Return to the Blogosphere

Posted on March 5, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

Last week was a bad blogging week.  I actually have a couple of pretty good things to write blog posts about but not much brain with which to do so.  However, I wanted to make some semblance of a post so my readers would not feel I had completely deserted them.  My last post was a Monstrous one, I think (if I go back and read it now, I may lose my momentum and never finish this post) (which some would feel was no tragedy, but I can’t worry about them).

Random photo to liven things up.

I found this picture in March 2017 of my Media Library.  It is our sweet pooch Spunky.  Speaking of dearly missed loved ones, Sunday was my late husband Steven’s birthday.  That  could explain the funk I have been in.  Grief is a weird, unpredictable kind of chronic pain.  Of course, I am a kind of a pain myself, so make of that what you will.

Steve in his natural habitat, surrounded by murder suspects.

Here is a picture of Steve doing something he loved: acting.  He is the handsome dude in the suit.  It is the cast of A G.R.A.V.E. Murder, an interactive murder mystery we did to benefit the Herkimer County Historical Society.  It was a really fun show.  I am, of course, grateful for all the wonderful memories I have.

We really were the perfect couple.

One more memory:  Fabulous and Fatal, another murder mystery for the Historical Society.  We were drag queens, or thought we were.

I will try to follow this with posts about my Mohawk Valley Adventures, of which I have had a few recently.  As always, I thank you for tuning in.

 

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Dare I Call This a Post?

Posted on January 31, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yes, I was too tired to make my Tired Tuesday post on Tuesday.  I am in fact a little hesitant to make the post this morning for reasons which I will not go into (explanations are so tiresome).  I am ten finger typing on my Chromebook with the very necessary cup of coffee at my side.  At first the Chromebook could not seem to get on the internet.  It tends to jump off and on, which is weird, because when I click on a little thing in the corner it tells me the wi-fi signal is strong (why is wi-fi underlined?  Is that not a word?).  I do not properly understand technology, as regular readers know.

A holdover from Monstrous Monday?

I pause to put in a coffee-related illustration.  I don’t know that I feel dead inside, but I feel a certain amount of pressure to update my life insurance.  That was a joke.  I guess brain dead would be a better way to describe me this morning, but I am far too tired to look for picture from The Brain From Planet Arous.  Imagine my delight when somebody referenced that movie on one of my monster pages recently.

He was a handsome dude.

Sorry to interject a sad note, but I am approaching the one year anniversary of my husband Steven’s death.  I guess I can blame that for my current malaise.  However, one learns to deal with one’s grief and go forward one step at a time.  And in this case one blog post at a time.  So having said very little of substance (do my posts ever have much substance? Discuss amongst yourselves), I dare to call this a post, hit publish, and drive one.  Once again, thank you for tuning in.

 

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Would Ten-Finger Typing Have Helped?

Posted on August 25, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

I meant to go for a walk or run after work today, so I could do a Running Commentary or Pedestrian Post.  I do not know why I thought I would do any such thing.  I am almost always tired after work these days.  I get very little done beyond the bare essentials.  In fact, as I type this (pecking in one letter at a time with the stylus on my Tablet, of course), I am remembering an essential or two I ought to be doing instead.

That was as far as I got earlier.  Full disclosure:  I did not do any of the aforementioned essentials, for which I am feeling suitably guilty.  Now I am back on my couch, on my Tablet, and I really would rather be headed to bed, but would like to make my blog post first.

Preview of Coming Attractions?

I looked in my Media Library at October 2016 for a Throwback Thursday picture.  When I was outside earlier, the air smelled like fall.  Additionally, my fall allergies are starting to kick in.  Therefore this picture from Pumpkin Junction in Sauquoit seemed appropriate.   I have seen posts on Facebook telling fall junkies like me to “back our pumpkin spice asses off, summer isn’t over yet!”  Of course it is still summer.  In fact, tomorrow is supposed to be hot and humid, and won’t that be pleasant for all involved?

There’s a summer view!

I went to June 2020 for this one.  My deck has not been in good shape to hang out on for a while.  My toenails have not been painted, and those sandals are broken.  You can just see one of my late husband Steve’s legs, beyond the glass of wine, just to remind me that toenails and sandals are really not things to be sad about.

Oh dear, I did not mean to make a melancholy blog post.  I expect some sadness will always be with me, but I do not mean to burden others with my emotions.  Let me look for a pleasant memory to close with.

Cheers to you, Steve!

Here is Steve in Ruggerios Trattoria in Little Falls, NY in the summer of 2019.   Good memories!

And I see I am over 350 words.  Perhaps I could come up with an off the wall headline suitable for a Non-Sequitur Thursday Post.

 

 

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Missing Steve, Missing Posts

Posted on August 15, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Grief is not linear. You do not go through the steps in an orderly fashion, magically feeling a little bit better each day until one day you realize you have finally found you could live with it.

I just imagine this is not a startlingly original insight. I feel sure every grief stricken person has found it to be true, and a number of people who have yet to be bereaved have suspected such a thing. I suppose I suspected it myself. Now I know it to be true.

All this by way of apologizing for missing both my Saturday and Sunday posts. I was just too sad.

I share one of my favorite pictures of Steve. For anybody just tuning in, Steven is my much loved husband, who passed away Feb. 3 of this year. So I recently passed the six month mark. I am trying to concentrate on remembering the good times, being thankful that I had my husband for as long as I did, and learning how to live alone. Some days it works better than others.

Here is a picture of me and Steve together. I will just interject at this point that my Tablet and/or WordPress is really screwing with me today. It only shows a bunch of letters and symbols for the pictures I share, it won’t let me edit said pictures to add a caption, and my predictive text thingy (sometimes annoying but sometimes helpful) is gone. And the letters on my screen are way smaller than usual. What the hell? (Ooh, at least it is not autocorrecting “hell” into “he’ll”!)

So this my Monday post. An apology for no Saturday or Sunday post, and a grief update. Thank you for tuning in.

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Also, I Made My Blog Post On Time

Posted on July 16, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had a Slacker Saturday today.  In fact, I almost put off making my Saturday blog post till Sunday.  I may yet.  We shall see.

“Well, you see, sir…”

As I type (peck in one letter at a time with the stylus on my Tablet) this, I am looking at an episode of Columbo.  I have been watching other DVDs than Columbo, but I keep going back to my beloved Peter Falk. I have not been watching DVDs all day.  I read an Agatha Christie book and looked at Facebook.  Mostly I had a headache.  It went away eventually but by then it was too hot and humid for me to feel like doing much of anything.

One positive step I took (so to speak).  I went for my first run since the Boilermaker 15K last Sunday.  It was a mere 20 minutes, but it felt pretty good, even with a headache.  I decided I would not worry how short and slow my runs are (OK, they are ALWAYS pretty slow).  I am not currently training for anything.  I may never train for anything again, but it is best not to make these decisions all at once.

I confess that I have had a bit of a bad week.  I think this is normal.  Grief is not a straight course.  You don’t necessarily feel a little bit better each day with no backsliding.  Some days are going to be harder than others.  I merely mention the phenomenon; I do not mean to complain.

He loved to dance!

I close with a picture of Steve busting a move, just to remember him when he was happiest.  I know I was blessed to have him.

 

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Boiling or Boilermaker?

Posted on July 6, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Wuss-out Wednesday follows Tired Tuesday, we all know that.  If you didn’t know, you do now.  I’m going to blame the weather.

I think I am!

I took a walk this morning but did not run after work.  I ran yesterday for three miles, thinking it would be my last long run before the Boilermaker 15K.  I hope to walk every day and have one or two short runs in the next three days.  Only three day?  Yikes!

Now is about the time I ask myself why I signed up for this silly race anyways. I should perhaps mention that this has happened to me every time I have run the Boilermaker (can’t remember how many times that is;  I would have to count my Boilermaker glasses).  This year, of course, everything is different.

It seems I had some good reasons when I signed up.  I do not currently remember them.   I registered pretty much the minute registration opened.  A short time later the palliative care nurse called me and said we had to talk.  I know what palliative care is (my sisters had to look it up).  Thus started a very bad time in my life.

So this year my running the 15K feels all tied up in my grief and depression over my husband’s death.  I don’t know that I think something magical is going to happen as I cross the finish line.  I think mostly I feel grateful that the race gave me motivation to keep running.  Exercise has helped me a lot.

I guess I have not entirely wussed out today, as I see I am over 250 words.  Perhaps tomorrow I will take one of those shorter runs I mentioned and attempt a Running Commentary Post.  It is All Boilermaker All The Time Week after all.

 

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