Early Tuesday morning I made my Monstrous Monday Post, but before I did that, I had tried to make a different post. I had in fact began said attempt on Monday. On giving it up Tuesday morning, I saved the effort, titling it, “To Continue This Blog Post?” Then, as people may or may not have noticed, I failed to make any post for Tuesday or Wednesday. I felt bad about it, but there it is. Now it is Thursday night and there is no blog post in sight. So here is the post I started to make:
What did I say about making a better blog post? Whatever it was, it is not likely to happen. I might as well acknowledge that I am going through a rough patch, in my blog and in my life. Since the blog is about my life, I suppose it should come as no surprise that both hit a rough patch at the same time. But don’t mind me; I’m always whining about something. My problems almost all fall under the heading Operator Error and are mostly First World Problems anyways.
Where was I? Ah yes, making another Monstrous Monday Post. Can I do it?
As it turns out, I could not. I typed in the above last night (one letter at a time with the stylus on my Tablet). I am now ten-finger typing on the dining-room-table-top, sipping coffee for which I am truly grateful.
Here is the thing about depression: doing almost anything can make you feel better. It won’t definitely make you feel better, but there is a very good chance that it will. However, when one has depression, the first thing one wants to do is NOTHING. I lie in bed or sit on the couch or do my job at work, thinking, “I can do this, and then I’ll do this, and it will be a good idea to to this…” But I don’t do it.
I have gone over this before, although I feel it bears repeating, at least to me. Now that I typed the preceding paragraph, I realize I have proved my caveat: anything can make you feel better, BUT it might not. Obviously starting a blog post did not make me feel better, because I could not continue. Some voices in my head want to argue this: “You COULD have continued, you CHOSE not to,” “It was a stupid, boring blog post anyways,” “This one is even worse.”
I’ll stop that right now.
OK, back to Thursday night and I see that this nonsense runs over 400 words. I feel dreadfully self-indulgent publishing it, but then again, why not? People can read it or not. If they read it and think it sucks, they can always feel pleasantly superior. Thus I rationalize myself. In any case, I think I will try to come up with a punchy title and bill this as a Non-Sequitur Thursday Post.