Tag Archives: depression

Help from Pizza and a Friend

I was going to just give up and declare this week Late Post Week when I noticed how low the battery on my phone is. Will I have time to plug it in and get it to 100 percent in AND be able to make a blog post in the morning? I suppose a little suspense will add interest to my day.

Regular readers (I think I still have some) may be wondering why I did not go to the library and make my blog post, as I spoke of doing this morning (when I made yesterday’s post). It is too long and whiny a story for me to share. Also, I don’t come out of it looking very good.

So I guess this is a true Wuss-out Wednesday Post. Hmm… Maybe I could yet salvage something.

At one point earlier this evening I texted my friend Kim and told her I was having a HORRIBLE day (I daresay I was indulging in hyperbole). She suggested ordering food and watching a movie. Brilliant!

While she got ready to come over, I called Salvatore’s Pizzeria in Herkimer and ordered a cheese pizza and chicken wings Siciliano. When Kim arrived, we popped in “Clue: The Movie” (I put it in quotation marks because I do not know how to do italics on my phone). I craved the silliness factor of the movie.

I’ll be honest: The evening was not a miraculous cure-all. Why can’t I have a miraculous cure-all? No matter. I can’t and that’s all. I was feeling better after good food, a few laughs, and most of all time with a friend.

Full disclosure:. Kim was not the only one I reached out to. I also called my parents for some good advice and got it as usual. Additionally I called the Veteran’s Crisis Hotline and am on my way to getting more help. I mention the last to add my little bit to erasing the stigma attached to needing help with our mental health.

And I guess the stigma does exist, because I am quite hesitant now to publish this post. People I know may read it! Then again, why worry? In the first place, my blog is probably not as widely read as all that. In the second place, a lot of my friends and family would probably say, “Oh Cindy, we knew you needed help!”

Post-Wine Post

I have not had much wine, but I thought the title would be a good follow-up to a Pre-Coffee Post.  This, I fear, will be another post where I just rattle on for 200 words or so.  I am battling depression but trying not to whine too much about it.  After all, everybody has problems.

Not enough gas to outrun Monday!

I guess I can bill this as a Wrist to Forehead Sunday Post.  I don’t really feel that horrified by Monday, but it cannot be denied that the weekend is more fun.  This past weekend I drove into Rome, NY, to my parents’ house, where two out of three sisters  were also visiting.

Returning to Herkimer this morning, I made a stop to purchase ice melt then parked on the street while I shoveled some of the snow in my driveway.  I did not make great progress, but I got the car in without any trouble.  Phew!

Scary!

The cold air had given me a bit of a sinus headache, so I heated up my face thing and laid down for a while.  It seemed to help.  This afternoon I watched War of the Gargantuas on Svengoolie.  I have several episodes of Svengoolie on my DVR.  I bet some of you thought that picture was a graphic depiction of my headache.  I can see where one might think that.  While I watched, I heated up some leftovers for dinner.

Bearing in mind that doing something, anything can alleviate depression, I fixed tomorrow’s lunch, did the dishes, and laid out my Monday work outfit.  Now I am kind of sort of looking at Snapped while I make a blog post.

I haven’t reached mine yet.

Since I titled this Post-Wine Post, do you suppose it would be OK if I had some Post-Post Wine?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

 

Even Lamer Than Usual

I thought of that title while I was running this morning.  I’m thinking it was not particularly worth remembering.  However, I feel bad that I made no post yesterday so want to make some semblance of a blog post now.

There was snow on the scene this morning.

I throw in a picture to pep things up.  This is half of Herkimer’s Historic Four Corners,  which I ran by this morning.  It was cold out, but I persevered. I thought briefly of making my blog post before my run, as I did earlier this week, but only briefly.  It takes less mental wherewithal to run than to make a blog post.

It occurred to me as I ran that lately I have managed to do a few blogworthy activities but have not managed to actually blog about them.  What’s up with that, me?

A note of hope.

Another picture may inspire me to come up with more words.  I confess to being not too worried about what I say.  This is a Late Lame Post Friday post, the bar is not high.  Additionally,  I am still in Give Myself a Break mode.  I wonder how much longer I can get away with that.

Who could be un-cheered by a Screaming Skull?

I end with an unrelated but amusing (to me, at least) picture from The Screaming Skull.  I often watch cheesy horror movies on the weekend.  That might be fun.

In the meantime,  I see I am over 200 words.  Once again, I thank you for tuning in.

 

Running Away From Depression?

I got on the Tablet thinking I was going to make a whiny Tired Tuesday Post but thought I might try instead for a little Running Commentary.  I took a couple of walks yesterday and decided today to just go ahead and run.  I thought, I don’t have to run far, I don’t have to run fast, but I am registered for the Boilermaker 15K in Utica, NY this summer.  I need to train for that.  Additionally,  exercise is a well-known and seldom used anti-depressant.  It might help.

I went first thing in the morning.  Well, second thing.  I had coffee first.  It was not too cold for February.  I put on leggings, long sleeves, a warm headband, and gloves.  This would be fine.

And it wasn’t too bad.  I told myself 20 minutes would be great but 15 would be enough.  I further told myself not to worry if I did a 15-minute mile.  Or even slower.  The important thing was just to go.

I find graveyards fascinating.

As I often do when I think I might make a Running Commentary Post, I ran by places I know I have pictures of in my Media Library.  Of course I love to walk and run by Herkimer’s Historic Four Corners regardless.  I am especially fond of the old gravestones surrounding Herkimer Reformed Church.  I crossed Main Street and continued on my way.

A handsome building.

Eventually I made my way by the former Baptist Church and future home of Herkimer Business and Professional Association.

I have not sent any post cards recently.

Soon I was going by the post office.

I actually passed this structure on the other side.

When I first started running in the village, I made it a rule to always run through Meyers Park.  Sometimes I run around it, as I did today.

I ended up running for 22 minutes, making a mile in under 14 minutes, so I felt fairly pleased with myself.  Alas, the anti-depressant effect was short-lived.  Perhaps if I continue to run on a regular basis and for longer periods of time it would help.  In the meantime, I guess I will just feel that way until I do not feel that way any more.

 

Lame in the Christmas Season

So I have gone a week without posting.  That is not good.  In my defense, I have had the flu, despite getting the damn flu shot!  I feel rather ill-used about that, in addition to feeling just about as crappy as I have felt in a long time.  I feel I should have a good descriptive of my crappiness, but nothing is coming (autocorrect wanted to make that “creepiness.”  More appropriate? Discuss amongst yourselves).

On the brighter side, I have been feeling Less Crappy for a couple of days now.  I don’t feel that I will ever be 100% again, but I look forward to feeling progressively less crappy as 2022 wanes.

I hold tight to that glimmer of optimism, because I am very sad about basically missing over a week of precious Christmas time.  In addition to having scandalously few presents for my family and friends and very little energy to make up the shortfall, I have missed enjoying the time.  I was about to start taking walks around the neighborhood in the evenings, to enjoy seeing people’s lights.  I was going to listen to all my Christmas CDs, a feat I have never managed in a single Christmas season.

But don’t listen to me wine.  We never do all we intend or hope, even without health issues.  I also remind myself that depression is a well-known after-effect of flu, so I must not feel too concerned about feeling a little down.  By the way, that could be a whole other blog post: how we must not beat ourselves up for feeling down, thus creating a downward spiral.

Now I see I am over 250 words.  More than respe table for Lame Post Friday!   I will just find a Christmas picture in my Media Library, to end on a festive note.

All my Santas say Merry Christmas!

 

I Decide to Make a Blog Post

I am so indecisive! I was going to write in the TV Journal, then I thought I would make yesterday’s blog post.  TV Journal… blog post… Which one?  I paused, suddenly paralyzed, between the couch and the dining-room-table-top.  What a terrible feeling!

I finally sat on the couch and wrote the preceding paragraph and thought, hey, that might make a good introduction to a blog post.  Perhaps my readers will be amused at the thought of me standing in my living room, taking half steps in opposite directions as my brain refused to make up its mind.  Or perhaps they could sympathize with a spate of indecision interrupting one’s day.  At any rate, I got on the laptop (dining-room-table-top is too awkward to type every time) (yeah, I realize I just did.  It is not easy being me, but it is fairly entertaining) and eventually began to type (this computer takes a long time to boot up, get to a site, and log in).

Where was I?  Ah yes, nowhere in particular, but trying to type in some semblance of a blog post.  Writing tends to alleviate my depression, when I can tamp down the do-nothingness and actually do it.  That is, as fellow sufferers know, the terrible cycle of depression.  Doing almost anything might alleviate some of the symptoms, but one of the dominate symptoms is the almost overwhelming desire to do NOTHING.

I do manage to get to work every day.  And most days, I manage to take a walk in the morning.  Exercise is a potent and underused anti-depressant.  And so I try to self-medicate.  As a matter of fact, I did have the vague plan to make a Pedestrian Post after this morning’s perambulation.  However, I see I am approaching 300 words by rambling on about my tiresome mental gyrations.  I still have to make my lunch, so I am going to follow my usual method: Hit Publish and Hope for the Best.

 

I Feel Monstrous When I Don’t Write

I like Monstrous Monday.  No matter how down and dull I feel, I almost always feel capable of putting up a few monster pics with my own silly comments.

That sounded so confident.  While I typed those two sentences, a voice inside me was saying, “No, you can’t. You don’t really feel capable of anything.  Furthermore, your comments are dumb, boring, and repetitive.”  I believe it is either my depression or my low self-esteem talking (you wouldn’t think an egotist such as myself could suffer from low self-esteem,  but so it is).  Am I oversharing again?  I had better get on with the monsters.

What I feel like some days.

Ooey-gooey!   I think my favorite part of The Blob is the theme song.  That tango beat!

What I do not seem to have some days.

I like to share The Brain from Planet Arous when I am feeling particularly brainless.  Come to think about it, I have not seen that movie in some time.  I wonder if I have it on DVD or video.

I just loves me some Nosferatu.

I thought I would throw in a picture of my favorite, Nosferatu from the 1922 silent film.

Kafka knew from monsters.

I close with a quote to encourage myself.  Making silly comments about monsters is at least writing something.  Perhaps I can segue into something more literary, or at least more lengthy.  For a Monstrous Monday blog post, I am going to call this sufficient.

 

I Creep into a Monstrous Monday Post

Hello and welcome to another Monstrous Monday Post.  It has not been a horrible Monday.  It rarely is.  My life is not that bad, which makes my persistent depression difficult to understand and not a little embarrassing.  However,  my purpose now is to entertain myself and (I hope) others with a few creepy-crawlies, or perhaps gruesome movie villains.

Is he as villainous as he looks?

Here is one of the masters, Vincent Price.  I believe this is a publicity shot from House on Haunted Hill, which features the immortal line, said to Price by his onscreen wife, “Darling, the only ghoul in this house is you.”

I don’t think he is bidding us velcome.

And here is one of our finest ghouls, Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula.  He is looking rather malevolent in this picture.

Crazy love? Insane love? No, it’s…

I was hoping to find a creepy-crawly but will make do with creepy:  Peter Lorre in Mad Love, one of my favorites.

Not from a movie, but they will do!

Here are a couple of crawlies!  They were props for a murder mystery.  I do love fake bugs and often use them in my home decor.

I guess my gruesome friends have cheered me up.  At least I have made my blog post, which always adds to my level of contentment.  I will try for a more Mohawk Valley-oriented post tomorrow,  but, as usual, no promises.  Creep and crawl on, my friends!

 

Any Blog Post Etc. Etc.

I started to make a blog post last night but realized I was too tired. I start to make one just now and realize I am too depressed. I know, I know, one must write no matter what one’s mood. Still, this being a blog about my life, I feel my moods are relevant. And who wants to read a whole post about how depressed I am?

Well-meaning advisors might say, “Fine, you’re depressed. Write about that.” However, I have often found that writing about what bothers me does not have the cathartic effect one expects. Additionally, if I put it out on the internet for all to see, anybody can chime in with things like, “Oh, quit complaining, lots of people have it worse.” It is quite true, of course, but I already knew that and it doesn’t help.

What does seem to help is writing something, anything, because I feel somewhat better than I felt in the first paragraph. What’s that all about, me?

My conundrum now is whether or not I should publish this. I mean, I intend to publish it, under the heading Any Blog Post Is Better Than None, but, really, should I? It helped me to write it, but that does not mean it will entertain anybody to read it. Oh well, at the very least it might encourage others: “Look at that crap she published! At least my blog is better than that!” Thus I comfort myself and look to make a better blog post later.

So I Slacked

I try to make a very quick post as I watch the charge on my Tablet go ever lower. It probably will not be be a very good post, although I am not the best judge of these things. I mostly want to make an apology for not posting on Saturday (since I counted the post I made yesterday morning for Friday). We’ll call it a Slacker Saturday Post.

I only wrote post cards to my weekly regulars, nobody extra, and I wrote them later than I usually do. As a matter of fact, shortly after I made the blog post, I went back to bed and took a morning nap. I enjoyed it.

When I took my walk, it started to rain. Just a little mist, really, so I kept going. For one reason, I had to mail my post cards. My Garmin (actually a friend’s Garmin which he nicely loaned me) told me I walked a faster mile than previously, 20:53 yesterday, 23:39 last Sunday. I have to be careful about walking fast, because I easily give myself shin splints. I try to concentrate on walking heel to toe. That is what an army friend told me she did.

And that was the extent of my usefulness yesterday. Today I am getting a jump on being at least marginally more useful by putting in laundry in before getting on the Tablet. I mention it here to remind myself to put the clothes in the drier soon.

Now I see I am over 250 words. Score! Regarding the depression I mentioned yesterday, I have found that sometimes completing a blog post is also an anti-depressant.